like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
