remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
