When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
