I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize