You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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