I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
