im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
