if you like me you must not know who I am
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
