HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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