This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
