There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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