im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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