Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
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I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
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We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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