I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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