it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Two words: nipple clamps
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