yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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