im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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