She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
