Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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