after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
