Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
