can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
