Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
