she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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