Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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