I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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