i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
