Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
