Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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