I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
do nipples grow back?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
