It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
