this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
