so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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