Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
