Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
