What did we do last night that was yellow?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
