My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish ðŸ€
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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