just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
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