Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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