I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
