Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
