Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
