so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
dude i'm inner monologue high
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
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Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
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I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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