He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
