8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
