I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
