all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
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THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
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The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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