It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
