Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Congratulations! We have a period
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