Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
