I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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