shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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