I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Dear god my vagina.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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