You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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