you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
