you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
