It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
