Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
