I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
