so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
