Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
