why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
