I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
