someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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