I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
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you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
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It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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