It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
