I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
