I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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