Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
