12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
