see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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