At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
