Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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