i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
